I think I just saw someone hide a body.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
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