Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
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