you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
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