Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
Randomize
