so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize
