I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
Positive reviews on angieslist?
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