I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
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