she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Randomize
