my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
Randomize
