I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
