so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
Randomize
