Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
Boobs are out for the taking
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
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