Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
Randomize
