The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
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