Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
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he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
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If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
I touched a dick in church today
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
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