my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
