Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
