Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
