there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
