you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
