i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
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