Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
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HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
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