after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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