have fun at tinkers! p.s. are there any hot guys who look like they wanna wait until marriage to have sex?
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
