Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
Randomize
