Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
Randomize
