I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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