Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
