Michael Bay diarrhea
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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