god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
