I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
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He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
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there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
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