Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Randomize
