I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
