new low.... made out with someone while peeing
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
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