And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
