Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Randomize