Sorry, I don't speak sober.
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
ps... at the end of one of the videos you yell "let's do the eiffel tower again.. i'll be in the middle!" .. i almost died lolol
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Randomize
