I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
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