I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Randomize
