so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Randomize
