i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
Randomize
