He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
Randomize
