I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
