Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
