man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
