I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
Randomize
