Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
