You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
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