Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Randomize
