We won't sleep together?
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
I'm having to shit out rocks
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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