Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
Randomize
