I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
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i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
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I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
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