You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
of course. lets lasso hookers.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
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