If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize