Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
Randomize
