when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
