those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
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