I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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