Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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