Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
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