Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
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