I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
