Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
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