i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
Randomize
