what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Randomize
