If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
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