nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Randomize