Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
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