my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
