Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
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