I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
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